Change Your Mind

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This week, I have spent some time reflecting on my journey over the past 3 years.  So much has changed, yet each change was independently small.  The changes have continued to build, and this week, I was able to notice how far I have come.

For those who don’t know me, I was recently overweight and not very active.  I played roller derby with a local league, but did not change my eating habits in order to lose weight.  Just about 3 years ago, I decided I was done being over 200 pounds.  I was done feeling out of shape.  I was done worrying about things, and dealing with large amounts of anxiety.  I decided I wanted to enjoy life.

I was able to drop below 200 pounds for the first time in my adult life, and ran my first 5k without…without walking at all.  Then, I felt accomplished.  I reached the goal I had set for myself, and went back to normal life.  Slowly, the weight came back.  And, before long, I was over 200 pounds again.

One morning, I woke up and remembered the resolve I had felt previously.  I changed my mind that day.  I began training for longer runs, and very quickly, found myself training for a marathon.  Sid-Garza Hillman frequently recommends that a person look at themselves and decide, “Do I want to be that person who…?”  In this case, I looked in the mirror, and said, “Do I want to be that person who is always losing and gaining weight, and never happy or do I want to stop worrying about my weight and focus on being healthy?”  Focusing on becoming healthy won.

I no longer feel like the number on the scale defines me.  I am happy with my body, my skin, and my nose.  I feel confident and secure, and no longer worry what other people think about me.  I decided to focus on myself and what makes me happy, and in return I am a happier person, better boss, and a more relaxed parent.

Running has changed my life.  I am comfortable in my own body, and even though I have lost weight (over 40 pounds to date), that’s not the best part of my journey.  I am testing myself and pushing the limits farther than I ever imagined could be possible.  I am seeking out challenges that never seemed possible.  I am reaching goals, and making new goals consistently.

I realized that life is more than work, bills, and stress.  I don’t want to be on my deathbed wishing I had really lived my life, instead of just going through the motions.  I am going to spend the rest of my life searching for things that make me feel alive, and doing them.  Next up, a 53.8 mile race on the Arizona Trail in November.  Plenty of stepping stone goals will be paving the way between now and then.  Who knows what will be next?  I sure don’t!

What’s your passion?  What makes you feel alive?

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